UT Promotes Vaping

By Bee Tree: 

TAMPA, FL - The University of Tampa has announced that they will be reversing their anti-smoking policy across campus. According to interim Director of Campus Health, Dr. Tobb Acko, this is an effort to make UT appear cooler. 

“Smoking is literally the key factor to whether or not a student is cool,” said Dr. Acko. “Why would we want to make our school lame? We want students to attend the university so why not make it smoker-friendly.” 

The new policy promotes all forms of smoking. Marijuana, cigarettes, Juuls, Stigs, and any other form are not only allowed but encouraged. 

“If you don’t smoke something, you’re kind of a loser,” said Dr. Acko. “I rip the Juul everyday and probably go through 3 pods a day.” 

Students are all for promoting smoking on campus. Every student interviewed agreed that the new policy will increase student numbers and keep the retention rate at a high rate. 

“Thank god I can finally rip the Stig in the Cass lab and not have to worry about getting caught,” said Kyle K. Yle, a freshman at UT. “So many people try and take it away and now they can’t or else I’ll sue. My dad’s a lawyer.” 

“What? You’re allowed to smoke on campus now? Oh man, I am going to go burn in my dorm,” said Mary Jane. 

Even with the prevalent health complications associated to Juul and other nicotine based products, students don’t care. 

“I’ve been coughing up blood for about two weeks now, but its [liquid] so I’m still fine,” said Pre-med major, Preston B. Jelly. “These fakenews outlets are so annoying. They promote nothing but lies and try to present it as facts.” 

Smoke away UT. The policy is here to stay for a long time according to Kerr. 

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