The OutPost is Back

By Bee Tree:

TAMPA, FL - The University of Tampa announced Thursday that the building, once known as Outpost, will be returning Spring 2021. The original plans to use the space as a satellite research building have been reverted due to budget problems. 

“Yeah, so we don’t have that much money,” said interim Treasurer, Michael Moolah. “It was a bit of an overstatement when I said we have money. OutPost is a great investment and a lucrative way to get cash from students.” 

The closing of OutPost back in 2018 devastated the student body of UT. According to Upper Class students, the bar was the place to be on any day.  

“I remember going to the bar every single night when I was a freshman,” said Al Kohaul. “I didn’t miss a single 4-7 happy hour. My GPA took a hit, but it was worth it.” 

“I can’t really remember The OutPost,” said John Daniels. “I think that means it was a pretty good time.” 

The university has estimated that it will generate $50,000 in the first two months. This money will be allocated towards planting eight more palm trees on campus according to Moolah. 

While some students are rejoicing about a new bar right across the street from the UT, one student doesn’t agree with the university’s idea to build a new bar. 

“It really just shows negligence by the school to encourage underage drinking to make a profit,” said Patty Proode. “I am in college to do well in school and drinking just distracts students from doing well in school.” 

In response to Proode’s comments, the Dean of Student Safety, Johnathon Shmoltz, said, “...relax…” 

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